My sunshine... My Jinit :)

My sunshine... My Jinit :)
My Jinit... My little protective shield....My brother... He is the one I look for the moment I am home, he is the one who can have me in giggles instantly when I am low, he is the one who would hate to see me worried, he is the one who will miss out on his happiness if he sees me sad, he would not let me sleep without me telling him the reason why I cried... the one who stands by me no matter what... the one who will never admit that he loves me loads, the one who will have tears even when he reads this, the one for whom I can do anything... the one for whom I have tears even when I post this :) (Me being me)I love to tease him, I would keep telling him how I love him and he would do every possible thing to avoid that... he can never tell me that he loves me so he would send a text saying so :) Words fail me when it comes to express my feelings about him.... I rightly think of him as my 'sunshine' Jinit is one of the few I love unconditionally... I can’t think of a day without him teasing me, pinching me, this little tickle he does on my waist which makes me jump off my seat, I can’t think of a day without having my sunshine smiling over me... I love you brother :)Jinit has found a perfect soul mate in Jinal... If Jinit is my sunshine, she is like a 'star' who adds twinkle in my life... she brings about the right balance in his life and has brought about completeness in my family (now our family)... I feel very satisfied and happy when I see them together... I can’t express what this means to me but I know it is BEAUTIFUL!!! I don’t pray much, but whenever I do Jinit and Jinal are present in my prayers be it anything :)Love you guys... You two add sparkle in my life... Muuahh... :)

My Creators.

Yes, I know, I am their flesh and blood. They have created me but there is much more than just that. My parents are different. I know everybody feels the same way. mine are really different and very very special...

mom...
I call her 'Shortcut queen' and she is really good at it... give her a task you think will take an hour and she will get it done in less than half the time. She does it beautifully and effortlessly.
She has been the pillar of my whole family (I have a huge one!!) All my uncles and aunts and everybody whom I consider a family look up to her.
She is the one I want to run to and narrate everything that happened in the day... whether it is the fight in the train or bitching about someone or telling her how excited I am about something, I dont feel good till the time I have not shared everything with her. She is a friend a philosopher a guide and most importantly an amazing mother...
The values that I have are all thanks to her. She has taught me the importance of adjusting and helping. The importance of understanding and peace at home.
I have never seen my parents fight or argue, not even once and my dad can be quite stubborn at times but I have learnt form her the importance of keeping silent when the other person is angry but also letting the person know what your side of the story was only after he/she has mellowed down... Absolutely marvelous!!!
She is the one who knows what is right when in what proportion and how. She is the one who holds me all night when I am unwell. Understands my unspoken words and the reasons behind my tears, I dont even have to say a word... she is absolutely magical... My mother... I love her so much that I can never say it to her :)


papa...

My lifeline. I cant think of a minute with out him. Calm, serene, in trance, at peace with absolutely everything around him along but when you hit on a wrong note be ready for a storm of anger.
He is a person who can walk in the house coolly and say that his briefcase has been robbed like its no big deal and actually it is no big deal for him!
My papa is my inspiration, he is someone who has been by me lie a rock with all my decisions. He is the one who has taught me the importance to make my own decision and stand by it. Take pride if it works and responsibility if it fails...
My papa is the one who has given me the mind of my own. He is the one with whom I have had a relation which requires no words just feelings but still when we speak it gets endless!
My papa is the one who is proud of what I am doing and I can see the spark in his eye when he says that his daughter is working in the development sector. He is the one who takes pride in showing my award and saying that 'she is just not a teacher, she is an outstanding head teacher'
My papa is the one who gets me whatever I want and I mean whatever I want without asking why and what for... he just gets it for me the day I ask for it.
My papa is the one to whom I can never say all this, even when I call him to wish on Father's day I feel moistness in my eyes.
My papa is the one who makes me all nervous and scared even if he complains (which he seldom does) about any ache or illness.
My papa is the one who can make me cry like a baby if he just raises his voice on me (he has never once lifted his hand on me)
My papa is the one whom I resemble.... and I am proud of that :)
He is such a fine man... My papa!
Love him beyond words can ever express!

People

We meet many people in our lives, some stay, some leave, some bring smiles and leave us with tears when they go, they leave a part of them with us, for us to keep them forever!!
Read something like this some where, some years ago and it has stayed with me... I completely believe in this though and I am not exaggerating when I say that to a large extent I am who I am because of the several people who have come and gone... Several people who have been with me, some of them who have come and gone like a season, some who came for a reason and a lot of them who will be with me for a lifetime... Like they say, People come in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime!!!
This blog and several to come is dedicated to all the people in my life, all the people who have made me :)
I love you all :)

Late Latif...

You lay there amid the crowd all alone. You had people all around you wailing and screaming but that did not disturb you. You looked so serene like there was nothing in this world that will ever bother you. You looked like you would just wake up and smile at us, but you didn’t Latif. You left us, you left us all so suddenly that we are yet to come to terms with it, we are yet to believe it.

There are still times when I wake up in the middle of the night and ask myself if I dreamt of you leaving us alone. There were so many things that I would have wanted to tell you, so many things that I would have wanted to know from you, had I only known that you would go away without even saying bye.

I still don’t believe that you are gone Latif, I still don’t believe that you will never come back again. It feels like you will be there in office tomorrow when I come and would hold my hand and sing a song for me. It feels like I will see you on stage again emitting the energy that you did always and making us all feel proud to be a part of your life!

You have left a vacuum that will never be filled by anyone. We are trying to pretend to be normal but your thoughts keep hitting us all the time. There is a sudden and a very uncomfortable emptiness in the space around and it kills us. Nobody is talking to each other, nobody is laughing out loud, and nobody is fine without you. Yet everyone is trying to comfort the other. There are times when suddenly while doing something tears just roll down and we are all trying our best to hide them. Nobody wants to meet anyone right now. This is the void you have created or your absence rather.

You lay there all alone on the hospital bed without anyone allowed to be by your side and it gives me a shiver to even think of what were your final thoughts, what all went through when you knew you are breathing your last. You were alone, all alone… We could do nothing even while we wanted to.

I watched you with your eyes shut and I had all the snapshots of you come before me, the first time I ever saw you, the first time I taught you, the time I saw you as Kabir and the way you made us all feel proud of you, the way I hugged you after your first performance, they way you and your friends made us sit on your shoulders and danced on the stage after the first show, the way you played guitar all day when you came over, the way you worked for the impact study and the way I would feel proud to see the laptop only for you, the way you have remained grounded after all your triumphs, they way you have been a role model for a most of the kids and a lot of us, and the way you quietly went away giving us no time to react.

You have become an inseparable part of us, you have lived a life of substance, you have now become Late Latif…

The more I think of you, the one thing that always comes to my mind is the song you sang, it seems like it was just meant for you my STAR...

I close my eyes,

Dream of new places
A thousand faces
All turn to me
On the silver screen
Dancing and singing
Praise for me ringing
A STAR I'll be
Ek din hoga,
Jab mujhe dekhke
Sab yeh bolenge
Chamka Taara
Main naachunga,
Dialogue bolunge
Hero banunga
Chamkunga main
I'll be a star
You'll see how bright
The crowd will shout-out in delight
I'll be on top of the world and I will be larger than life....
Its going to start,
my new beginning
A whole new feeling
Of being free
The world and I
We are done waiting
No hesitating
A Star I'll be!!

I join hands with all the innumerable lives that you have touched and pray for your soul to get all that you ever wanted... You will always remain a part of us, you will always be remembered... fondly, just like the way you like it :-)

Continued from Parzania

Sending a silent prayer to all the people who have lost their lives in any kind of carnage at any place and all the people who loved them....Praying that all the lost souls find their own 'PARZANIAS'

Parzania

Watched Parzania today...very hard hitting.....I could empathize with the emotions of the parents in the film...how would it be survive and pretend to be normal when you know nothing is....how difficult it would have been for the sister to grow up in a nights time....How many families have gone through this trauma.....and overall how your life changes with one single instant.....How people forget that they are humans first and then Hindus or Muslims....How are we divided somewhere but we are still one at some point.....It is difficult to fathom how much do we go through in this life and how many times we feel that it would be better if we ended our lives and yet what all we do to save our life when it comes in contact with threat!!!Reminiscing the question Parzan asks.....If there is only one God then how do I know which God is the real one and which one is surreal???
Mystified yet again!!! :)

What are we here for...

She lay there, with almost a dozen people surrounding her, now what was just a body. It would not have taken even a second of pain before she breathed her last. What happened? How did it happen? Why did it happen? All these questions kept popping up my mind while I stood next to her body. In just a second’s time she was gone, her existence was now just a memory. She was past tense now! This was Chetana Solanki. While I stood there staring at her body what came to my mind was the only question of our existence. What are we doing here? What would Chetana’s Family be doing right now? How will they react when they hear the news? How many people would be waiting for her to get back home? What had she achieved in her life and where did she fail? What were her aspirations? What were her strengths and weaknesses? Where did all these go? Will they all be buried with her?
What are we living for and what are we leaving behind when we go? Where are we heading? What is life after all?
We come, enter the rat race to achieve, we want to make a mark, we want fame, and we want everything! The moment we are gone, how much does it all really matter? Why do we have this life after all?
The answers to these questions are unachievable but still we are in hunt of it.
Chetana Solanki is nothing of herself. She is just a name now!